Information and guidance for parents and guardians of young people interested in or involved with Wicca or Paganism.

These are the days of the 'Information super-highway' in which information is much more easily accessed than has ever been so before, and so many parents are rightly concerned over what their children or teens may have access to via the Internet.   ..And some young people have connected via the Internet with people who have abused or exploited them, and so the fears and concerns of parents do need to be addressed in a fully open way- 

"Ignorance is bliss"? No it isn't!   Ignorance is potentially extremely dangerous. I would like all parents of children or teens interested in Wicca and Paganism to be as fully informed as possible. We are abused exploited and betrayed through ignorance, we are protected by knowledge.

This website and its information is accessed by several hundred people a day. Many of whom are under 18, and so I've compiled the information below to offer some guidance for them and their parents concerning their interest in Wicca. Please do read right through, and also read what I have written at the end of this information.

First principles:  Despite all the media myths and hype and despite all the ranting and ravings of fundamentalists over the  years, not one single Wiccan or Pagan has ever been found guilty  of exploiting, abusing or molesting a child, young person or other vulnerable person.

Some years ago there was a major 'scare' in our society regarding "Satanic child abuse" in which Pagans and Wiccans generally were accused of exploiting and abusing children in satanic rituals. Lots of people were questioned, children were taken away by social services, families were destroyed. Not one single case even went to court- it was all a creation of fundamentalist delusions and media scare-mongering.

Over the past 20 years hardly a week has gone by without at least one case of child abuse in a religious context being successfully prosecuted through the courts. Often on a large scale; within Children's homes, Convent schools and other Christian establishments, children being abused by Catholic Priests or Nuns, being abused by church of England Vicars, and other Christians and other similar cases. Not one Pagan abuser, but a continual and horrific series of 'Christian' abusers and molesters of children. Those are real facts that can be easily verified.

Wicca is not a cult:  Anyone who joins a Coven is fully free to leave whenever they so choose. No one is brainwashed, programmed or forced to break associations with their family or friends, and no one is forced to do anything against their will. No one is forced to dress in certain ways, give up anything, change their lifestyle, job or home, and no one is forced to think in ways they are not comfortable or happy with.

Wicca does not recruit new people:  The Craft of the Wise is potentially open to all, but we don't "drag 'em in off the streets", we don't hand out leaflets or hold meetings designed to convert or brain wash people, and we turn away more than we let in.

There is no profit in Wicca: Some Covens collect funds to cover the cost of such items as candles, incenses, etc, but no one passes around a collection plate or holds rallies to raise money like the Christians do- no Wiccan will exhort your children to "dig deep for Jesus" or some pagan variation on that. Whatever money that any Wiccan has is generated by their own work, and not by stealing it from others by selling tickets to salvation.

Sex and drugs:  Wiccan philosophy includes open attitudes to sexuality and recognises and respects the sexual symbolism implicit in nature based religions- much Wiccan ritual revolves around the interaction between the Goddess and her Consort the Horned God, but Wicca is not a  promiscuous religion, way or philosophy. I have to disappoint those who are looking for orgies and satanic rites- we don't do that.

Wiccans do not use drugs in their rituals. Many Wiccans 'take a drink', and most festivals, rituals and Wiccan celebrations generally end with a feast that includes alcohol, but that is no different to any kind of ordinary party. Wine is consumed ritually within some Wiccan rituals- A chalice of wine is blessed and shared with all present. Those who cannot drink alcohol because they are driving or similar will share a chalice of consecrated fruit juice- it is the consecration and sharing which is ritually important, and not the substance. Some open Pagan celebrations do allow children to attend but those are under their parents supervision. Pagan parents want their children to be alcohol or drug abusers as much as you do- not at all.

Some Wiccans and Pagans smoke Cannabis: The use of Cannabis is prevalent now in our society as a recreational drug of choice in the same way that alcohol is. In this Wiccans and Pagans are no different to other people. But that is as with alcohol, recreational usage. Whatever any individual thinks about the recreational use of Cannabis within our society it is here to stay and no amount of legislation, heavy handed policing or governmental decree will make it go away. I would predict that cannabis will be at least decriminalised within the next few years, and will be consumed in the same way as alcohol- used moderately and wisely by some, abused by the weak and/or foolish. Bear in mind that there is no such thing as a "War on drugs". There is a war on the users of some drugs, but that is a war on people in which there are no winners, but a lot of losers.

Young people are extremely likely to be introduced to cannabis and other substances by their peers- 'normal' people, not Witches. Again I can rightly say that Pagan Parents are parents- we don't want our children to harm themselves, we don't want them to become substance abusers, we're well informed and want our children to grow into strong, self-reliant and responsible adults- just like all parents do. Pagan parents guide their children in the same way that all parents do- we don't want them to abuse anything and so we do not encourage the use of any such substances by our children, and set the same kind of limits and exclusions as all responsible parents do for their children.

Children and Wicca: As you will see elsewhere on this website Wicca is for responsible adults. Many Wiccan parents will share their beliefs with their children, but do not force that onto their children or make them follow this path in the way that such as Christians, Muslims or other religions do. The children of Wiccans and Pagans are free to choose their own path through life, and many children of Pagans do not follow a Pagan path into adulthood.

Because of this, and in alignment with our core philosophies, we do not allow young people under 18 into our circles unless they are our own children who may be allowed to attend seasonal festivals- these are such as Yule, which is the original festival which most now celebrate as Christmas. These are 'light' celebrations that do not involve deep, powerful ritual activity that young minds might find disturbing or overly psychologically or emotionally affective. We do not allow anyone under 18 or whom we know to be emotionally or psychologically imbalanced to take part in powerful rituals.

Teens and communication: Many young people do not communicate with their parents at all well. Your teenage daughter might well be chatting with pagans all over the world, subscribing to mailing lists, using services such as ICQ, or IRC, reading all manner of stuff from a huge number of websites from all around the world, and if you're not well informed about the Internet you'll never even know- 'cause sure as eggs are eggs, they won't tell you. Many parents don't know the Internet, they don't learn new ideas or new technology very well, and often don't particularly want to. Young people embrace the novel, and are extremely fast on the uptake with new technologies such as the 'net. If you're not as equally well informed they will not even bother to try to share their world, their feelings or their thinking with you.

I outlined above how some Christians in positions of power and authority have used that power to exploit and abuse young people, but that doesn't mean that all Christians are abusers. Many do follow the teachings of the Christ, but the problem is of course in telling the good from the bad.

Because of the web of lies and hype that have been woven around Wicca by the media and the fundamentalists, some people do use the cloak of paganism or the craft to abuse others. Including young people. Again the problem we face is telling the good from the bad- if you are a parent reading this I fully understand how difficult this may be for you, and especially so if you do not know the Craft well. For someone outside of Wicca it must all appear extremely strange and even downright weird, and so I also appreciate how difficult it is for parents to tell whether this is safe for their children/teens or not.

I cannot in all honesty say to any parent that their child will come to no harm from becoming involved with Paganism or Wicca. There are some sick, dangerous and abusive people in this world. Some of them are attracted to the 'gothic' and weird wherever they find it, some exploit the 'forbidden fruit' aspects of all this to tempt young people- child abusers don't use bitter concoctions as bait to tempt their victims. They tempt them with sweeties. That applies to all abusers, and whether they wear a 'dog-collar' or a pentagram, they are all betraying that which they hide within as equally as they are abusing their victims.

What I can say is that such abuse is extremely rare within the Craft- unlike Christian and similar power structures who protect their own members from the law, Wiccans do not do this- If we discover that someone is using the trappings and 'glamour' of the Craft as a means to exploit or abuse anyone we do our utmost to ensure that they are stopped, and that they receive all due punishment. We do protect 'our own'- but anyone who uses the Craft to abuse or exploit others is definitely and distinctly not one of 'our own', and we do not cover up for them or protect them from receiving all that they deserve.

In short, your teenage daughter or son is at more risk if they join the choir at your local church than if they join the outer circle of a local coven. Again, the facts bear this out- if a single Wiccan was ever prosecuted for child abuse it would be front page news on every paper in the land. How many times have you really seen this? Not once. How many times have you seen on the news recently that a Christian Vicar has abused children in his care, or how staff at children's homes have conspired together to conceal their collective, institutionalised physical and sexual abuse of children? Lots of times- despite the well publicised attempts of their superiors to conceal and cover this up. You only have to read the newspapers or watch the national news to discover this to be true.

Guidance and advice for parents:  If you are the parent of a young person who is interested in Wicca/Paganism and you discover their interest, my best advice to you is to become well informed- with facts not hype, with information not fundamentalist rantings and deluded ravings.

Talk with your teens and children and listen to what they have to say. Let them know that you are concerned and discuss it all with them. A heavy handed approach will  be counter productive. Attempts to forbid them internet access will probably not work- if they can't use the computer at home, they'll use the ones in their local library or at school, or at friends houses. Attempts to block what sites they access by using software that doesn't allow some sites to be accessed ...... will fail- I could tell you a dozen ways to bypass this kind of control. Your sharp as knives 'techie'  teens can probably tell me a dozen more. They may even have WAP mobile phones with Internet access. How would you propose to block them from using that? The 'Communication-information Cat' is now well and truly out of the bag, and any attempt to stuff it back in will only get you very badly scratched. It definitely won't work. Another few years and there won't even be a bag to try to put this cat back into. 

Please do not attempt to have them 'de-programmed', 'exorcised' by your local Vicar or anything of that kind- you will only drive them away and alienate them.  Whatever you do..... don't panic. Young people need to explore the world, expand horizons and cross boundaries- they need to do that for themselves, and they need to do it for all of us- older people are by their nature conservative- we 'hold the ground' that society has taken so to speak. Young people are the 'shock troops' of social change- they take new ground for all of us, they expand the horizons of what is possible and they break us through into new areas beyond the boundaries of the currently known. This can feel scary to us 'oldsters', but we must not stand in the way of them doing this- if we did, our society would still be at a stone age level.

Stages and processes: Many people; both young and older; are attracted to the Craft. Some stay to explore further, some take a taste and move on. If you prevent your young people from exploring Paganism and the Craft it will be forbidden fruit which they will continue to crave, you will create unnecessary conflicts and arguments, and you will drive them into secrecy and concealing what they are doing. Which of course will mean that if they do venture into any dangerous areas you will not know about it until it is possibly too late to help them.

If in doubt... ask: This web site is extremely well publicised, and I receive a lot of enquiries for further information from young people. I do my utmost to answer all their questions as openly and honestly as I possibly can, and I will be happy to answer all of yours as equally- if you are a parent reading this and you need more information, have concerns or worries about these things, get in touch and ask, and I will do my best to answer your questions as fully, openly and honestly as I possibly can. I will not offer simple platitudes or reassurances, and will give you straight answers to your questions.

 Guidance and advice for young people:  If you are a young person under 18 reading this.... be patient with your parents. Be honest with them. They may not be as stupid as you think- if you can tell them what you are into or interested in, and can do so in a good non-confrontational way- don't shove it up their noses, slide it into their thinking; they will respect your needs and right to explore the world around you for yourself. They might not do so at first but if you can help them to understand by being open and honest with them, most parents will remember that they were young once and needed to explore the world for themselves, take risks, break rules, redefine social realities and expand horizons. 

Please don't cause me any grief:  If you are under 18 and contact me for further information or for  seeking contact with Covens or Wiccans in your area and your parents don't know that you are doing so but then discover that you have been in contact, many of them will unfortunately assume that I'm a 'dirty old man' or the leader of some cult which wants to take you away from them or fill your mind with ungodly ideas.

And then of course some of them will contact me themselves to try to put the 'frighteners on me' to scare me away from you, or threaten all manner of silly things. None of which will actually impress or frighten me- I have nothing to hide from anyone.  If you are planning to ask for information, please be open and honest with your parents. Especially if you are less than 17-18 years old. If your parents do check through your email Inbox and find a mail from me in reply to your mail to me, they will be understandably concerned. Be open and honest, keep them informed and show them this website and other good ones like it such as that of the Pagan Federation. Tell them to contact me themselves if they are concerned or need information.

Under 18's:  I cannot give contact information to anyone under 18 whatsoever. No good Coven will take in anyone under 18 anyway. There are teen Pagan groups, you can potentially find people your own age at school or elsewhere in your area who share your interests, but any 'Coven' or other group that is composed of older people who will take you in is extremely suspect and I advise you to avoid them like the plague. Plainly- if they're not after your body, they will want something else from you- your subservience, adoration, ego-worship or similar. Some people simply feel good if they're surrounded by 'adoring acolytes' who they can order about or otherwise manipulate, but though there's generally no great harm in that, it isn't healthy. This may not be apparent at first but will become obvious eventually. By which point you may find it difficult to extract yourself from them. Especially if you have had conflicts with your parents already or haven't been fully open with them- if they don't know what you're doing  it will be difficult to ask their help if you need it, and you may well feel that if you've got yourself in that you have to get yourself out. I have to repeat this: be open and honest as far as you can with those around you.

Last words: The time between now and being 18 may feel as if it will never pass: You probably don't want to wait or put everything on hold between now and then. I felt exactly the same- but bear in mind that when I was the same age as you that there was no Internet, no ICQ or IRC, no message or chat boards/rooms, no mobiles, no WAP, very few books in libraries or generally available, no good magazines or other information sources, no such thing as J17 with free spell kits or Tarot cards...... no very much of anything at all. Hey, we didn't even have a phone in my parents house till I was 11, and TV was black and white! And here I now am.

We are the children of the Goddess, and She loves those with persistence and staying power. My parents weren't antagonistic, but neither were they very supportive. I had no one much to talk with and no one to seek advice or information from. But here I still am- If you can't stay on the path for a few years despite having so much to help you, and having so many sources of information and support, perhaps this isn't really the path for you after all.

OK, that's my say on this: If I can help get in touch- I may take a while sometimes answering emails, but will do so when I can.

Blessed be, Alan Tickhill.

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